Parents don't need an accountant to keep track of the money they spend on their kids, just so it can be held over their heads later in life.
Parents don't display their grievances with their childrens' decisions in public. And they sure as hell don't demean them in front of anyone else.
Parents don't try to use grandchildren as a threat or bargaining chip in petty arguments.
Parents make sure their kids get hugs and kisses and "I love you" so much that it's embarrassing.
I saw an article on Cracked the other day talking about things that "good" parents do to screw up their children. It was a list of the things that are "best practices" for parenthood but often end up having unintended consequences. Of course, this all assumes that someone else knows how to parent your kid better than you do. Granted, sometimes this is quite true. *cough* Dina Lohan *cough*
But many people are so concerned with having the right plan and saying the right things to ensure our little bundles of innocence blossom into functional adults.
The following is taken from an email exchange my wife and I had after reading the Cracked article. She jokingly asked if we should revamp our entire parenting strategy.
Or we could just be open and honest with our child instead of trying to trick him into being a productive human being. That's the biggest problem. Everyone wants a battle plan for raising their child. That's stupid.
If every adult is a different person then every child is a different person. If you tried to make a cookie cutter guide to please every person on the planet it would be a horrendous failure. So why do people try to do it with children? Time-outs work for some kids. Guilt works for some kids. Spankings work for others. There's no "right" way to raise a child. And parents need to tailor their parenting to their own fucking child.
I'm not saying to let them get away with anything they want. But have rules and stick to them. And if you find out that your own rules are bullshit, then change them. Admitting to your child that you made a mistake does NOT make you weaker in their eyes. It makes you more human. And there's no better way to raise a child then to have them realize everyone's human and everyone makes mistakes.
I'm not saying parents are 100% responsible for how their kids turn out. But I'm sure as hell saying they're 98% responsible.
Don't wait until your kid is seventeen and going to the prom to talk to them about sex.
Don't wait until your kid is seventeen to talk to them about drinking/smoking/drugs.
Don't train your kid to be a good little sheep and accept everything that authority figures say verbatim.
I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't have most of the answers. But I've seen quite a bit of parenting, whether it be myself or others in my life. And I sure as hell know what NOT to do.
Don't be scared that you don't know how to do everything right.
You will screw up. Your kids will screw up. Learn from those mistakes TOGETHER. I honestly think that's the only way to avoid being an 18 year-long incubator and becoming a functional parent.
If you would like to buy a copy of my parenting book I would be glad to print out this post, staple it several times (no less than two, no more than four), and sell it to you for $17.99.
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