Help Someone by NOT Helping Them

I know I haven't been on here in a very long time but I need to say something.

I love my wife more than I ever thought possible. She is an amazing, gorgeous person and I still cannot believe she agreed to marry me. I would still choose to marry her every single day, somehow even more so now than when we actually got married.

She has demons and burdens that she carries. She has many trust, depression, and anxiety issues. Some stemming from her service in the Coast Guard, some from earlier parts of her life. She deals with, and will continue to deal with, these internal struggles every day of her life.

These are NOT flaws or hindrances that stop her from living. They are processes her brain goes through to make sure she doesn't get hurt again. And despite these extra steps her brain has to take she is somehow a brilliant mother and wife who deserves nothing but good in her life.

I say all this as preface. Anyone who knows her SHOULD know these things. If you don't then you're not paying attention.

I know a blog may be a lame place to make a declaration but it's the only place I have.

Those of you who feel the need to criticize and condemn everything you dislike; who vilify anything contrary to your personal stance; who feel like you are entitled to say something because of your position or relationship; who do or say things because it's "for her own good": You can fuck right off. Our lives are not yours to decide. Our lives are not an open forum to play in after you've fucked your life all to hell.

If you think this rant is about you, you're probably right. If you have a disagreement with something we've said or done, keep it to your fucking self.



This started as a post about my wife and the shitbags in her life, but it's turning into a post defending my wife and anyone who is persecuted.



This country has turned into a totem pole of fuckery. We're constantly bombarded with information which tells us if you're not a rich, heterosexual, white man then you're wrong and you can't climb to the top of the pole.

Fuck that.

You want to get covered in tattoos because you think it will look awesome now AND when you're 80? You're right!

You think tattoos are dumb and don't want to pollute your body? You're right!



You made a bad decision (or more likely someone else's bad decision happened to you) and now you feel like an abortion is your best/only option? You're right!

You got pregnant, don't want/can't keep the baby, but you don't want an abortion and feel like adoption is your best/only option? You're right!



You're a 16 year old boy and you think you might like to try kissing a boy? You're right!

You're a 16 year old boy who loves kissing girls but can't see yourself ever kissing a boy? You're right!



You think Jesus is our one true savior and you'll follow his teachings and worship him everyday? You're right!

You think Jesus is a bunch of fairytale, fanfiction bullshit made up and hijacked to keep ignorant people under control? You're right!



My point is, you will always find someone who thinks they know how to live your life better than you do. That's absolute garbage. Do what you want. The decisions that you make for yourself ARE the right decisions and will get you where you need to go.

"But what if a person's decisions lead them to kill someone else?" I'm obviously not talking about those kinds of decisions you pedantic moron.

Parents, teachers, preachers, and anyone who thinks they're higher up or better off in life will always feel like they can help guide you. There's nothing wrong with that feeling. But when it crosses the line and becomes badgering or insulting you to try to force you to make the decisions they want you to make then it's turned into background noise. That's exactly how you have to treat it. You can't even dignify it with an argument. It's static on the radio signal barely audible behind your favorite song.

There are so many amazing people in this world who expend all their daily effort struggling with themselves and don't have time to defend themselves from meddlesome motherfuckers whose selfish ulterior motives are so transparent they're hardly ulterior.

My wife is one of these people. People fighting more inner demons than most others can fathom AND having to defend themselves from people close to them hellbent on maintaining their power-hold.

When you meet one of these warriors, you'll see their struggle. It will be etched in their speech and mannerisms. Be there for them. Don't try to help them through their problems. Just shut your mouth and be there for them. Don't give suggestions about how they can overcome. Open your ears and be there for them. Don't try to see the other side of the story. Open your mind and be there for them.

In the end, that's all they're asking for.

Unemployment Fiasco Update

So, I finally got through to the Tennessee Unemployment Office a few weeks ago.  After 130+ calls to numerous phone numbers, unhelpful automated messages, indifferent/condescending attitudes from people at local offices, and a hint that I might be going insane I finally got the number to ring.  So then I sat on hold for almost an hour and half before a human came on the line.

I'm not complaining about sitting on hold.  I understand the entire operation is....bungled (I'm trying not to fly into a tirade).  But my question is: If people have to sit on hold for over an hour after getting the line to ring why aren't they allowed to sit on hold from the start?  Why make people call and call and call while giving them an automatic recording if they're going to be on hold once they get through anyway?  Wouldn't the simpler, and less discouraging, way be to do away with the automated message, allow callers to be placed on hold immediately, and inform them that it could be a very, very long wait?  At least the caller would know they are in line and moving, however slowly it might be, toward progress.

The current system of having one number to call seems to be causing a bottleneck.  And this bottleneck is causing all kinds of tangible and intangible effects on unemployed Tennesseans.  I felt extreme depression and disillusionment while unemployed.  Having already been told I wasn't wanted/needed anymore I was then forced to acknowledge I could not provide for my family alone and needed to seek help.  Help that I had been contributing to with taxes I had been paying for many years.  And then to be met with a metaphorical brick wall was discouraging, to say the least.

This morning I received two messages, one as a comment to my previous blog post, one as a direct email from a reader, that mentioned depression about their situation, fear at their future prospects, and even suicide.  To herd already downtrodden people to one over-crowded, apparently under-staffed feed trough appears misguided and ultimately harmful.  When people are in a fragile financial and mental state the last thing they need is a seemingly impossible gauntlet just to feed themselves.

My story turned out okay.  I finally got through, found a job after four months, and should be starting this week.  But I can't take credit for it all.  I still attribute my success with the Tennessee Unemployment Office to luck.  I feel like if my call had been a few seconds earlier or later then I would have received the same unhelpful message and one more metaphorical kick in the gut.  Keeping my spirits above the disaster mark was 95% friends and family.  Finding a job turned out to be a lucky opening at a company where a close friend worked which was enough to get me in the door.  The only part I can take credit for is the actual interview process.

But what about the people who don't have any emergency fund?  The ones living paycheck to paycheck, who could be out of food, shelter, and options within a matter of weeks if they were laid off?  What about people with no family to lean on, whether it be merely because of distance or because of some past family drama?  What about the people with a high school education who have worked at the same job for 20 years who are suddenly thrust into a situation where they have to start over?  These people need assistance and they can't afford to wait for it.

It's not difficult to see how someone in one of these situations would see suicide as an option, even briefly.  When it seems like you have nowhere else to turn, when it seems like you're being ignored by the very people who are supposed to help you, life can seem unbearable.


If you are in this situation please listen to me: You are not alone.  No matter how hopeless your situation may seem it is never beyond recovery.  No matter how many people treat you with indifference or animosity there are many more willing to help.  

- National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
- Here is a link to many, many different agencies and programs who provide all kinds of assistance for unemployed Americans.

Use these resources.  If you need additional assistance, or you just need to talk to someone, my contact email is listed in the right-hand column.  Or you can leave a comment and other readers can help.

Don't give up.  Don't ever give up.

No Man's Land

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  I wake up every day with no idea what I'm doing.  I don't feel like an adult, even though I pretend to be one every day.  I don't want to spend the next 40 years in a cubicle and I'm not ready to give up on my dreams.  But I have a mortgage and two kids.  I clearly am an adult.  I'm living in no man's land.  I have the hopes and dreams of a college kid with all the drama and responsibilities of a full-fledged adult.

So what does that mean?  Does that mean that I'm just being a selfish, whiny bitch by not wanting to join the normal workforce?  I look at our income, with the small amount of unemployment that I'm getting, and say "If we're paying the bills and we're not starving then why do I feel like I have to make more money than that?"  But that falls apart when you consider we don't have health insurance, or savings for my kids' college, or more than six month's worth of retirement, or a second car to actually drive to work and not leave my wife without transportation.  When I factor in all those things I ask myself how we were even paying the bills when I had a job.

I don't want to put on my monkey suit and corporate smile five days a week while I count the hours until I can go home, see my family for a couple of hours, try to sleep, and do it all over again.  But I don't want to be the 40 year old asking if you have any coupons for your purchase either.

I have no idea who the hell I am or what I want to be when I grow up. 

Some days I think I'm insane.  Some days I think I'm just depressed.  But most days I'm afraid.  I'm afraid that I looked too closely at the mindless monotony of corporate America, saw what a clusterfuck it was, and decided I wanted no part of it.  But I have no back-up plan.  No brilliant idea to keep me out of the grind.

My previous post talked about my desire to open my own business, do things my way, and take full control of my life.  I have since been informed, by many people, that I'm an idiot who should probably just give up and punch a button every day while someone else decides my fate. 

And I don't know who's right.

Here's the Will, but Where's the Way?

My bout with joblessness has rekindled a flame that I thought died a while ago: I want to open my own business.  I've toyed with the idea several times before but it never went very far.  Computer repair shop, comic book shop, bookstore.  It seems I'm drawn to industries that are either dying or over-saturated. 

The computer repair shop would be most similar to what I've done before but that's a good and bad thing.  I like computers, but I like them when they work.  Fixing the occasional problem is fine, and I fixed problems all day every day for years, but going to work every day knowing that feeding your family depends on fixing other people's mistakes would be draining.

I love books and I think a love of reading is the most important skill a child can ever develop, but no one buys books anymore.  Second-hand bookstores and ebooks have drastically changed the industry.  And not necessarily for the worse.  Jumping in this industry now would be disastrous.

The craziest idea that ever actually took hold in my brain was the comic book shop.  Comics are relatively cheap, on an individual basis.  And they are a fantastic tool for getting kids to WANT to learn to read.  My son started reading by sounding out the action words (BLAM!  KRAKADOOOOOM!!!) as I read comics to him and naturally progressed to other picture books and then on to chapter books.  I have all kinds of ideas.  Bundled discounts, pre-ordering discounts, cross-marketing with similar/adjacent businesses, kids night (bring your kid to come hear us read a new kids comic and when the reading is done one kid gets randomly selected to take the comic home for free), a good report card means an extra discount on comics, etc.  But a comic shop means ridiculous amounts of overhead.  New product needs to be purchased every single week.  And without going into the details of the vendor purchasing situation in the comic industry I'll say it's pretty unforgiving to newcomers. 

So I'm left with an unrelenting desire to strike out on my own, be my own boss, and build a business from the ground up, but I have no smart sounding business idea to pair with the desire.  I'm prepared to obsessively work twenty hours a day every day to get my business off of the ground, but nothing to obsess over.

I feel like I'm back in tenth grade trying to decide what to do with my life, thinking "It seems daunting now, but by the time I'm 25 I'll have figured it out and have a few years under my belt."  Well, I'm 26 now and don't feel like I've figured anything out.  I worked for almost five years building skills and getting experience in my chosen industry, but now it looks like I'll need to start over if I want to stay in the same industry.  And I feel like if I'm going to spend another five years starting from the bottom again, pouring every ounce of my passion into a project, shouldn't I blaze a path on my own and benefit in the long run?

So if anyone wants to throw some substantial capital my way I can 100% guarantee that it won't be squandered.  You may very well lose every penny you invest, but it will be exciting.  The eventual success/failure will be nothing short of spectacular.

(My sales pitch needs some work.)

Dear Tennessee Unemployment Office

Dear Tennessee Unemployment Office,

     I have humbled myself enough so I can acknowledge that I need your assistance.  It was very difficult for me to make this decision.  I originally filed the paperwork on April 2nd but I just tried to do my first weekly check-in on May 14th.  I received paperwork from you the week after my initial contact informing me that I am eligible for unemployment benefits.

From that time until now I have struggled with the decision to partake in unemployment benefits.  But two months after my lay-off I am beginning to see the distinct lack of jobs for my skill and experience range.  Entry level jobs do not pay enough and administration and management jobs are out of my experience range.  Although, one would ask, how can I get experience as an administrator or IT manager when every job listing for those positions requires extensive previous experience?  It seems a paradox (which is quite fitting for my blog but quite unhelpful in feeding my children).

But the hiring practices of various IT departments are not your concern.  I was unable to login to the online weekly check-in site and was directed to call a phone number.  If I decipher the wording in your help documents correctly, it seems that the PIN for online access needs to be setup either the first time I attempt to login or by phone.  I do not remember logging in at all, this being the first time I have attempted to do my weekly certification, so I do not suspect that is the issue.  It is probably my fault for not calling sooner.  Or it could be that you have placed a hold on my account due to my lack of check-ins and require me to call and have it reactivated.  Regardless, I need to speak with you on the phone to proceed any further.  Here's where my issues arise.

I began calling the toll free 877 number listed in your help documents at 8 AM Monday morning.  I received a message saying you could not take my call due to an extremely high call volume.  It seemed kind of silly not to even allow people to sit on hold but I gave you the benefit of the doubt.  It was early morning on a regular weekly check-in day and I suspected you were quite busy.  Calling numerous times throughout the day yielded the same message.  My last call that day was somewhere between 4 PM and 5 PM.  I made many more attempts the next day, all resulting in the same "We cannot take your call" message.

I scoured your website and found a local Nashville number, which routed to the same message I had been receiving, and a number for weekly phone check-ins.  This was surprising seeing as how I attributed your high call volume to the normal weekly check-ins.  Learning that it was a separate, automated number was unexpected.  I also found a fax number which I found amusing.  First, because it's 2012, and second, because I find it hard to believe that someone contacting the unemployment office would have ready access to a fax machine.  I proceeded to call the weekly check-in line, entered my social security number, and was told I was ineligible to use that number and needed to call their help center.

Hilariously, that was the same number I was originally calling.

I tried numerous times that day with my final attempt coming once again somewhere between 4 PM and 5 PM.  I once again attempted to call today and received the same message.  I eventually looked up the number for the local labor and workforce development office and phoned them.  The ultra-personable lady who answered the phone informed me that they had nothing to do with weekly check-ins and directed me to, say it with me now, the SAME DAMN PHONE NUMBER.

So, Tennessee Unemployment Office, after mentally berating myself for weeks, trying to reconcile the idea of an intelligent man in his mid-twenties with a computer degree, 5 years of applicable experience, and 3 years of management experience from a previous job somehow needing unemployment assistance, I decided to seek your help.  But now I find a seemingly endless loop of pseudo-functioning phone numbers and unreachable employees.  I have cast aside my pride and sense of self-subsistence to reach out for assistance.  Is it necessary to make me beg for it as well?

Humbly and Sincerely,

Andrew Stephenson

Marriage Equality

There are many things that I do not understand.  Some of those being complex concepts needing years of intense study to even understand the terminology.  But there are other things I just can't get my brain to grasp.

One of the things most confounding for my brain is the opposition to marriage equality. (Or gay marriage, if you insist on calling it that.  Although, homosexual people don't have gay driver's licenses or gay prescription glasses so calling it gay marriage is a bit silly.)  I honestly cannot think of one reason NOT to support marriage equality.  No one, other than the two individuals actually getting married, would be affected in the slightest.  Not allowing something just because you don't like it is one of the most ignorant and selfish things I can imagine. 

Allowing same-sex marriage doesn't force anyone to engage in a same-sex marriage anymore than allowing smoking forces someone to smoke.  I can understand, but don't agree with, the people who demonize smokers.  Smoking in public affects everyone around.  Same-sex marriage does not.  You can't "catch" gay. 

Allowing same-sex marriage also does not cheapen "traditional" marriage.  Traditional marriage vows have already been cheapened by the actions of husbands and wives for centuries.

I don't want to delve into religion but the VAST majority of opposition that I've heard against marriage equality is rooted, partially if not entirely, in religious beliefs.  Basing laws on a particular religion is not only narrow-minded but also illegal.

And the argument that it's "gross" or "unnatural" is just stupid.  First, denying a gay man the ability to marry his partner doesn't make him question his sexual orientation.  He will still be gay, but not allowed to make the same public commitment his straight friends can.  Second, homosexuality has been around as long as humans have, maybe longer.  To call it unnatural is ignorant and would be akin to calling red hair unnatural just because it's not as prevalent as blonde hair.  Third, universally banning something because a minority find it unappealing is insane.  By that rationale I would like to ban mayonnaise because it is both gross and unnatural.  Screw you and your turkey sandwich, I think mayo is gross and I can't get plenty of people to vote with me on that.

North Carolina passed a disgusting amendment yesterday.  One that says some residents of their state are entitled to more basic human rights than others.  I don't even pretend to understand what it's like to be denied a human right based on a prejudice.  I'm a heterosexual, white male in the United States.  The world is built in my favor.  But I seethe when I hear of human rights and freedoms being selectively distributed.  
President Obama spoke out today in support of marriage equality and is getting lots of reaction from both camps.  I'm glad he made his view public but I do think it's ridiculous that it's such a big story when our president reveals he's not a bigoted asshole about something.

Contrary to how North Carolinians voted, gay Americans are actual humans who deserve actual human rights.  Do we support rights for all American humans or do our rights change based on our zip code?

Lost

Being unemployed has caused its fair share of complications.  But not the ones I was initially worried about.

Money's not tight, yet.  I'm not going stir crazy (my wife may beg to differ).  And the "worthless, unemployed loser" has subsided, a bit.

The scariest part about being unemployed is I'm almost enjoying it.  I knew I was unhappy in my previous position but I am starting to realize the mental toll it was taking on my life.  My stress level had gotten so high that I don't think I ever came down.  I would spend all day Saturday gradually coming down from the never-ending drama of the work week, never fully letting it go.  And I would spend all Sunday ratcheting the stress level back up by worrying about things I needed to do in the coming week.  And of course bringing work stress home with you is great for the whole household.  I never found a way to give my brain a break.  Rinse and repeat for four years and you get my mental state, as of a month ago.

I spent the first week of unemployment relaxing with my family.  It was my son's spring break from school so I made a conscious effort to focus on family and leave the job hunt alone until the following week.  It worked for a few days.  I ended up applying for several jobs late that Friday under the guise that my resume would be waiting for the companies on Monday morning.

I got a response from an application for a job which listed qualifications a bit over my head.  But I was excited.  How great would it be to find a new job before I received my final paycheck from my previous job?  Alas, this "job opportunity" turned out to be a staffing firm just wanting to get my information into their system.  If the meeting had been presented as such I would not have hesitated  to meet.  But the correspondence was worded as though I was in consideration for this particular position.  It was disappointing, to say the least.  Nevertheless, the gentleman was incredibly personable and helpful, giving many suggestions about my resume.

I have since sent my resume to several more places and have made it through a phone interview and one in-person interview with one place.  This company looks to be an ideal situation for me.  Work smart, play hard.  Is there a better motto than that? 

(Update:  Since writing the draft for this post I received a response from this company.  Alas, I am apparently not what they are looking for at this time.  That really hurts.  I just wish I knew more about why.  Was is something I said?  Or didn't say?  Do I not have the needed skills?  Was I too reserved?  Did I come on too strong?  I have replayed the entire interview in my head dozens of times and still can't pinpoint the problem.  I think this is how insanity begins.)

I'm struggling with my reaction to unemployed life.  Weirdly, the emotion I feel most is guilt.  For some reason I feel guilty that I'm not going insane.  And I don't really understand that.

I filled out all the paperwork for unemployment benefits.  All that's left is for me to check in every Monday to get the money.  That was three weeks ago.  I can't bring myself to do it.  I have paid into the fund through my taxes for almost ten years.  Why is it so hard for me to take money to which, by all legal accounts, I am entitled?  It just feels dishonest to me.  Unemployment payments should be for people struggling to feed, clothe, and shelter their family.  I'm not there yet.  To take money without really needing just feels like stealing.  Add to this my feeling that taking something out of availability rather than necessity is what's killing humanity, and it makes it virtually impossible for me to accept unemployment benefits.

So I carry on, seeking my next employment opportunity, still trying to decide what I want to do with my life.  I do not doubt my abilities.  But I'm beginning to lose confidence in my professional focus.  I want to do so many different things that I'm finding it incredibly difficult to look for jobs.  I spend more time staring at a search prompt, trying to decide what phrase to use, than I do looking at actual job descriptions. 

I'm in my late twenties.  I'm supposed to at least have my career field narrowed down by now, right?  I just want to go to work, feel like I'm contributing to society, and come home to my family.  I don't want fortune and stock options.  I don't seek titles and power. 

I don't have a happy, concise ending to this rant.  And I have no idea if it even makes any sense.  But I guess that's the perfect metaphor for my life.

Color Me Unemployed

I awoke yesterday morning to find myself in an unusual situation: unemployment.  Friday afternoon I became the latest in a LONG line of Americans to lose their job due to cutbacks blamed on "the economy".

The Economy has been personified to such an extent that it has become the scapegoat for nearly any unfortunate circumstance. 

Gas prices too high?  It's the Economy.  Underwater on your mortgage?  It's that pesky Economy.  Forced to switch to store-brand groceries?  Man, the Economy is really out to get us.

Obviously the Economy is not some sentient mastermind hell-bent on destroying the lives of countless families and businesses.  Its current iteration is the mutated offspring of widespread ignorance, incompetence, and malice prevalent throughout 1% and 99% alike.  Most people don't lose their job as a direct result of this amoebic disruptor.  From what I've seen, most job loses are the result of a company's inability and/or unwillingness to adapt to new parameters in the marketplace.  I suspect this was the culprit in my case.

But I hold no grudge.  I don't have a list of people I curse every night before I fall asleep.  And I certainly do not wish further hardships on my former employer.  Additional complications would only serve to hurt innocent bit players uninvolved in creating the hardships, with no recourse to change them.

Instead, I have found a long-forgotten inner-tranquillity.  I have smiled more in the last day and half than I did in the previous month and a half.  Discussing Lego Star Wars strategies with my son is the most important event on my daily agenda.  I feel as if I am free to choose nearly any path I desire.

The obvious first thought would be to find another PC support position.  However, I am still quite interested in continuing my web design self-education.  Or maybe I want to focus on something entirely different.  But even more than that I want to find a place where I am more than my job title.  That statement may seem a bit cliché, but I think it's incredibly important. 

Imagine a job where you are free to explore different areas of the business, seeking knowledge and collaboration from many different types of people with just as many different skill sets.  How much more efficient would a company become if they began to seek input from all levels of the workforce?  Crunching numbers in a boardroom to determine peak profit margin may be one tactic.  But seeking input from an average warehouse worker may yield even greater benefits for laborer and boardmember alike.

It would be foolish to holdout for an available job at a company fully utilizing this approach.  But finding a place that isn't afraid to hear unconventional ideas from unconventional places would be amazing.

So the job hunt begins.  But not for a little while.  After all, my son's spring break is next week.  And a bit of father/son time may be exactly the thing I need to point me in the right direction.

My Kid is Broken?

I don't have a fancy article as a trigger for this rant.  I just have the ridiculous situation surrounding my son's education.

My son is not an "easy" child.  He asks insane questions, is obsessed with LEGO and science fiction, and constantly questions authority figures' motives.  None of these are bad things.  He also comes out with spurts of simplistic brilliance.

In a discussion about the oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico and the Exxon Valdez, the following exchange occurs:


My son:  "If oil is so bad, why do we still use it?"
      Me:  "We need it to power cars and lawn mowers and a thousand other things."
My son:  "Why don't we just make those things use something other than oil?"


I don't have a legitimate answer for this.  I could go into the manufacturing costs for electric cars, the mileage limits of purely electric cars, or the belief that car manufacturers themselves are half-assing the effort in an attempt to appease the oil companies.  But none of those strike me as valid excuses.

Rather than accepting the parameters of the problem, he seeks to change the variables in search of a real solution.  In two sentences, my son has questioned the motives behind one of the biggest future problems our country is facing.  He has a way of stripping away superfluous information and seeing the core issue.  He is never satisfied with accepting excuses.  And I LOVE him for it.

The best piece of advice I have ever received came from my father when I was not much older than my son is right now.  He said "Believe whatever you want.  But believe it because YOU believe it.  Not because of what someone else said."  I can't think of a better piece of advice for a young man.  Except maybe "If you get her pregnant, you better love her", which my father also said.  My father's soundbites strike me as something a taller, less green, slightly younger Yoda would say to his son.  Full of wisdom with enough edge to make you remember.

I try to teach my son the same principles.  However, when he gets stuck with an aging teacher, burnt-out on years of 8 year-olds, intent on forcing her students into the neat little mold she deems acceptable, he naturally struggles against it.  And he is consequently treated like he's damaged or broken.

His desire to seek the core truths has been stifled because it's seen as being disruptive.  Asking numerous questions DIRECTLY relating to the subject material is apparently disruptive behavior now.  And forget about trying to talk to a classmate about the current assignment.  There will be absolutely no collaboration in this "learning" environment.

His love of reading books several levels above him has been all but destroyed by daily, forced reading of books well below his level.  It's the same concept as telling an ice cream lover that they are now required to eat ice cream everyday.  No matter what you love, if that behavior becomes a requirement then it loses all appeal.

(By the way, his class goes to the library one day every three weeks.  We have plenty of books at home but what about the kids who don't?  Or the kids who are struggling to reach their grade level?  Making them wait three weeks between class visits to a library is insanity.  It's the same three week rotation with music and art classes.  Music, art, and literature are what make us human.  But they have been all but abandoned as priorities in American public schools.)

His emotional responses to what he sees as injustice are regarded as overly-aggressive, inflammatory behavior. When he is reprimanded in front of the class for something as innocuous as tapping his pencil while doing his work (WHILE DOING HIS WORK) he tries to explain his actions.  Which is then seen as questioning authority and deserving of a second, public reprimand.

He cannot physically comprehend bullshit.  This is his greatest asset and weakness.  That being said, I am not worried about my son.

I'm worried about the people around him.  He is an engaging, passionate, awe-inspiring human with a laser beam focus toward whatever his current obsession may be.  And he's seven years old.  If he can maintain this mindset while adding experience, education, and maturity then he will be an outstanding adult.  But if his creativity and desire to learn are sabotaged by misguided attempts to herd him into more "acceptable" behaviors and interests then society will have destroyed another brilliant mind.

My son is not a colt who needs to be broken before he can reach his full potential.  He is a sapling who needs firm foundation and support as well as plenty of room to grow in any way he chooses fit.

I love my son.  He's not damaged or broken.  He is a real human with real human desires and emotions.  And I hope he can stay that way.

New Year, New Plan

Last year I set out to lose 100 pounds.  I ended up losing 33.  Were I a first baseman, this type of success rate could land me a $240 million deal.  While I am disappointed I didn't reach even 50% of my goal I also realize I didn't give even 50% of my available effort.  Half-assing your effort to halve your ass leads to disappointment.

Last year I sought to have less of me around.  This year I seek to have less around me.

I have entirely too many "things".  I am overwhelmed with an abundance of things I have used once and never touched again.  I condemn billionaires for spending their 8 figure bonus checks on vacation homes and luxury yachts but at least they use those lavish purchases and reap continued enjoyment from them.  Meanwhile, I'll buy a $60 video game, play it for 10 hours, and then never touch it again.  In that perspective, my actions are more wasteful than purchasing a third vacation home.

________________________

My home became a cable-free household last summer.  Paying $80/month for ignorant tripe to be spewed at me and my family just sounded crazy when we stepped back to think about it.  There are many entertaining, intelligent, and worthwhile things on television that provide enjoyment and education.  But I don't think we were getting anywhere near $80 worth of that every month.  And once you decide that the product you receive is not worth the price you pay it becomes extremely difficult to continue justifying the purchase.

It started as a money-saving experiment.  It has evolved into a liberating experience, at least for me.  Keeping up with shows I enjoy no longer feels like an obligation.  Our main sources of visual entertainment have become Netflix and Hulu Plus.  These cost us a combined $15.98/month and I think we get more than our money's worth from each.

It has not been without complications, however.  I have always had cable and therefore have always had access to sports coverage.  In previous years, I estimate I would watch no less than 100 football games a season, between college and NFL.  This year I may have watched ten.  Being a Cowboys fan, I got to tune into four of their games this year via NBC's streaming of their Sunday Night Football coverage...and see them lose all four.  Such is the life of a Cowboys fan.

Having less to watch gave us more to do.  This is the basic foundation of my goal for this year:  I want to get rid a large portion of my things.  I was inspired by Sean Bonner and his "Year of Less".  His goals are to limit purchases to one per month and to get rid of one thing every day this year.  This sounds intoxicating to me.

In this spirit, my wife and I spent a few hours going through our closet last weekend.  It was....messy. (I don't even know how to describe it.  Picture the trash compactor from A New Hope and add hanging clothes to the walls.)  We ended up filling six garbage bags with clothes to donate.  And we only stopped because we didn't want to start on the drawers that day.  We didn't even start with the kids' clothes.

Two humans gave away six garbage bags full of clothes and we still had 3 times as much as we needed.  I was extremely angry at myself for having so many things that I neither wanted nor needed yet kept.  I estimate at least 100 items were in those bags.  Some with tags still on them.  Many more never actually worn.

I will be joining Mr. Bonner in his quest to eliminate one thing everyday.  Because of the children, I will have to modify the one purchase per month rule to apply only to things for myself.  But I intend to stand by that as well.

I am going to let the clothes count for the month of January.  Starting February 1st I plan to eliminate one item from my life everyday for the rest of the year.  Computer parts, books, movies, more clothes, or whatever else is taking up space but not being used.  Theoretically, I will keep track of these items, since I obviously tracked my weight goal so well last year.  And throwing away broken things doesn't count, but it will be a nice bonus to get rid of that crap, too.

I am hoping this will alleviate some of the clutter around the house and help me appreciate and enjoy the things I choose to keep.

Bankers and Imbeciles 2.0

The Thursday before Christmas I posted a blog dealing with Bloomberg's report of various bankers and billionaires' comments about the surging 99% vs. 1% sentiment growing across the nation.  Their arrogant and dismissive attitudes enraged me.  In my attempt to show how their "1%" continues to grow while our "99%" steadily declines I did an examination of average household income vs. inflation rate from 1979-2007.  This showed that while average household income increased 62% during the 28 year period, the inflation rate rose a staggering 318%.

Along the same lines, this morning I came across a report from The Society Pages detailing the relationship between the minimum wage and the nominal value of that wage.  It compares a workers' actual hourly rate of pay versus the value of that dollar after many factors, including inflation, are taken into account, determined by the purchasing power of a dollar earned in 2010.  It's a pretty dramatic look at how wage increases are not keeping up with inflation increases.


(http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/01/07/the-minimum-wage-and-capitalism-2/)

If you look at the chart you'll see that a dollar's purchasing power appears to be greatest between from 1964-1980.  If you match that up with the tax rates during those years you'll see some correlating numbers.

From 1950-1963, the 14 years prior to the highest purchasing power, the tax rate on income above $400,000 was 91%, with the exception of 1952-53 when it was actually 92%!  The chart above shows a dramatic upturn in the purchasing power of a dollar during this 14 year time span.  I believe the high point of purchasing power I highlighted early, 1964-1980, is a direct result of this sustained tax rate.  It insured reinvestment into the infrastructure that facilitated the enormous growth of the United States.  It also prevented wealthy Americans from reaping financial benefits on their climb toward wealth and then "cashing out" and denying that chance for the next generation.  Without this continued reinvestment of tax dollars it would have been impossible to maintain the governmental investments and incentives for the creation of new businesses and opportunities.

The tax rates, for the lowest and highest income brackets, for those 17 years of high purchasing power are as follows:

Tax Rates
Bottom bracket			Top bracket
Calendar Year	Rate (percent)	Taxable Income Up to	Rate (percent)	Taxable Income over

1964	16	1,000	77	400,000
1965-67	14	1,000	70	200,000
1968	14	1,000	75.25	200,000
1969	14	1,000	77	200,000
1970	14	1,000	71.75	200,000
1971	14	1,000	70	200,000
1972-78	14	1,000	70	200,000
1979-80	14	2,100	70	212,000
1981	13.825	2,100	69.125	212,000

This appears to be a time of great prosperity for the American Dollar.  So what happened to push it toward our current dysfunctional system?

Well, inflation rates were above 10% each year from 1979-81.  That meant that, on average, goods cost 39% more at the end of 1981 than they did at the beginning of 1979.  So to combat this our government surely sought to revert to our more prosperous techniques of the past, with respects to tax rates, by asking wealthy Americans to pay a little extra so that the people who needed money to afford things like food and shelter were able to keep a few more dollars each month, right?

They actually did the opposite.  Here's the data from the same chart for the rest of the 1980s:

Tax Rates
Bottom bracket			Top bracket
Calendar Year	Rate (percent)	Taxable Income Up to	Rate (percent)	Taxable Income over

1982	12	2,100	50	106,000
1983	11	2,100	50	106,000
1984	11	2,100	50	159,000
1985	11	2,180	50	165,480
1986	11	2,270	50	171,580
1987	11	3,000	38.5	90,000
1988	15	29,750	28	29,750
1989	15	30,950	28	30,950

These charts show only the bottom tax bracket and the top tax bracket.  Most years there are several brackets in between with gradual increases in rates but some years these represent the only two brackets.

So, let's try to make sense of this and compare apples to apples.  Brace yourself.  An abundance of numbers will be used.  I will be using tax rates for a single man with no children from this chart.

Let's take a single man making $40,000 per year and assume he maintained this wage from 1981-1989 with no raise.  His tax liability, not including deductions or credits, in 1981 would be $12,000, at a rate of 30%.  That same man's tax liability in 1989 would be $11,200, at a rate of 28%.

Take-home pay 1981: $28,000.
Take-home pay 1989: $28,800.

Hey, way to go!  This fortunate man got to keep $800 more of his money.

But keep in mind, the inflation rate over this nine year period works out to just over 50%.  So if this man's monthly bills in 1981 were $1000, his same bills in 1989 would be $1500.  Sorry, pal.  It doesn't look like that $800 drop in annual tax liability is going to offset the extra $6000 ($500 * 12 months) you'll be paying on your bills.  You actually come out $5200 worse.  Let's hope you got annual raises enough to cover this.

IF(!) he got a 2% annual raise EVERY year, his 1989 wage would be $46,866.  Factoring in inflation and tax rate changes, he comes out $1666 better in 1989, after bills and taxes, than he did in 1981.  Assuming this guy has a generous employer, and hasn't added any expenses (like children), he's not doing too badly.



Now let's look at a man making $1,000,000 per year over this same period.  His tax liability in 1981 would be $691,250, at a rate of 69.125%.  The same man would pay taxes of $280,000 in 1989, at a rate of 28%.

Take-home pay 1981: $308,750.
Take-home pay 1989: $720,000.

Wow!

Let's say his bills are TEN times the previous man's bills.  That means that monthly bills of $10,000 in 1981 would be roughly $15,000 in 1989, after factoring in inflation.  Meaning he would pay $411,250 LESS in taxes and $60,000 ($5,000 * 12 months) more in expenses.  With no raise at all, this man comes out $351,250 better in 1989.

If you factor in an annual 2% raise (new salary $1,171,659), this man comes out $522,909 better in 1989, after bills and taxes, than he did in 1981.



That's a lot of numbers but here's what it boils down to:  After bills and taxes, the first man increased his yearly income by just over 4% while the millionaire increased his yearly income by just over 52% during the same time period.

Wait.  28% tax rate in 1989?  Isn't that the same rate as the guy making $40,000?  Yes, it was.  The tax rates for the wealthy from 1988-92 and 2003-2011 were literally HALF what they were from 1936-1981.  The rates from 93-2002 were merely 44% lower.  AND, from 1988-90 anyone making over $19,450 paid the same tax rate.  A person making $20,000 paid the same tax rate as a person making $20,000,000.  That sounds absurd to me.

Fun Fact: Prior to 1987, the last time tax rates for the top bracket were below 50% was 1925-1931.  Check those years, and their aftermath, if you need help figuring out what broken policy can create.



My point is this:  Our current system is completely unsustainable.  If we continue to allow inflation to rise much faster than wages we will end up with a country full of people completely dependent on their government for assistance.  If we simultaneously allow millionaires and billionaires to hide their income and pay unbelievably, historically low tax rates, then the government will be in no position to offer any help to those who have slowly been robbed of their financial security, their buying power, their self-sufficiency, and eventually their dignity.




I don't want socialism.  I don't want to rob from the rich and give to the poor.  I want a country with sustainable policies.  And we don't have that right now.

Web/Life Design

It's funny how a person's desires change over time.  Well, not so much funny, I guess. More like, random.  If high-school me could see how late-twenties me is living he would be pretty pissed.

I'm not rich.  I'm not famous.  I haven't written a song in nearly a year.  I work 8-5 and sometimes go to bed before 10 o'clock.  Through the week, I spend more waking hours at work then at home.

But high-school me was a predictably naive idealist.  Late-twenties me is a slightly less naive cynic.  Whatever those words mean.


The desire for worldwide fame and fortune was supplanted by marriage and children.  I may not be internationally renowned for my songwriting but I am easily the most kick-ass daddy that my children have ever known.  And my wife laughs at my terrible jokes.  Even when they are only semi-riotously hilarious.


I miss writing music a great deal.  But I was only good at writing two styles: Whiny, mopey bullshit and self-righteous diatribes.  Don't get me wrong.  I am extremely proud of nearly 37% (!) of the lyrics I have written.  Ironically, it sounds to me like both of these writing styles have meshed into the current hipster "It's cool because it's stupid" movement.  If that's true, then I have a goldmine of terrible lyrics and fashion choices aimed at the post-adolescent angst-stricken crowd with a laser beam focus.


Bedtime.  The bane of adolescents everywhere.  At one point in my life I never wanted to sleep.  Fuck tomorrow.  Tomorrow is tomorrow, after all.  I know it's 3 AM but I need to reorganize my MP3 collection by average combined birth year of artist and producer, immediately.

I've spent a large chunk of time trying to pinpoint the exact moment a human becomes an adult.  It very well may be the first time said human chooses to go to bed early, not because of any impending event, but solely because they don't want to be tired the following day.  That may be the exact moment when childhood dies.


But the only one of those afore mentioned teenage gripes that is ALSO a post-teenage gripe is the time spent at work.

Let's do a bit of math for a typical human.  Alarm set at 5:30, leave for work at 7:30, get back home at 5:30, sleep at 10:30.  That makes 17 waking hours, 10 of which are outside the house.  Multiply this by 50 weeks (allowing for potential vacation time) and we get 150 more annual weekday hours spent away from home then actually at home.  I could go on a rant about the distribution of wealth in contrast to actual hours worked in this country but I'm not feeling very rant-y today.

Today, I feel hopeful that I have found a new professional/life direction.

I have recently discovered a love for web design.  A few months back, I saw the website for a friend's new business.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't being updated and I didn't think that accurately represented the people involved.  On a whim, I started looking up HTML and CSS tutorials and decided I would make a new website for my friend.  This would be similar to me deciding that I wanted to build an extension on my house made entirely of unobtainium.  I knew so little that I didn't know what I didn't know.

But I am obsessed with learning about interesting things.  Being able to use text to make design elements look, move, and behave according to my desire is an intoxicating feeling.  I'm assuming this is what it feels like when an artist looks upon an empty canvas and wants to make it his own.  I feel completely unencumbered by any preexisting design templates.  If I want a column of ads in the center of the page and two content columns flanking either side I can damn well do it.  I have the technology.

(I used http://www.w3schools.com/ for my foray into web coding.  I have since seen several places that discourage that particular site but most complaints seem to be semantically driven.)

This potential new professional direction has given me fits of unbridled euphoria as well as days of mental turmoil brought on by frustrating design elements.  Anytime you wake up at 5 AM on a Saturday morning with an idea in your head and have 50 lines of code written before anyone else wakes up you know you have become passionate.

I am hoping to harness this passion of the Christ and progress enough in my coding knowledge to land a job, freelance or contract, in web design. Employers like to say that passion for a job and desire to learn are worth more than degrees and test scores.  I aim to prove my worth to potential employers.

Hide yo child nodes!  Hide yo floating elements!  I'm coming for you Internet!

Holiday Musings

From my experience, holidays bring out two conflicting yet complementary emotions in me: Joy at seeing loved ones and an overwhelming desire to be far away from said loved ones.

I love my family.  I just love them from over here.  At my house.

It's the same way I feel about talking on the phone.  I am approximately 93000% more likely to respond to a text message or email than a voicemail.  The ability to say "You know what? You can wait for 6 minutes while I do some important shit." before sending a response is one of the most liberating things that technology has ever done for me (Also, pooping is much more entertaining).  Try that technique on a traditional phone call. "I'm sorry. I am at a critical moment in my research of warp drive mechanics on the Enterprise D. I'm going to need you to shut up for 4-5 minutes so I can comprehend this fake science. Thanks."  See how well that goes with your grandma.

That's exactly how I feel at human gatherings.

I have something I call "Corporate Andy", formerly known as "Blockbuster Andy".  This guy is just a super dude.  He's all about your cat stories and helping you with your newfangled touchscreen phone.  He began out of necessity while at my first job. (I bet you can't guess where it was.)  Putting on the Blockbuster Andy persona allowed me to be a sociable and genuinely likable guy for nearly anyone in any demographic.  It worked very well for selling frivolous things to busy people.  When I changed jobs my corporate persona had to evolve.  I was no longer dealing with the general public.  Corporate Andy became the guy at work that would listen to you explain why that particular sweater was just perfect for your dog while fixing mundane "problems" on your "system".

This is usually the personality I adopt at social events.  Lately, "social events" has turned into anything outside my home.  Once you're adopting artificial personalities on a nearly daily basis one of two things can happen:  1) You can gradually become that person, even when you're alone.  2) The fabric of reality around Fake You begins to crack and the dreaded Real You emerges.  I believe I am in the final stages of scenario 2.

I just don't want to play the game anymore.  You know the game.  Brown-nosing and sexual favors getting the same consideration as intelligence and hard work.  Status quo taking precedence over progress and efficiency.  Showing up to the department's Christmas party on time is more important than showing up to work on time.

This is the machine that has taken control.  I know I sound like an emo teenager right now but at least they give a shit about something.  When you are passionate about something you make stupid decisions in the name of that passion.  When you are trying to keep your desk job you lay low and try not to get noticed.  I feel like I'm in a hidden camera version of Office Space.  The cover of the TPS report is more important than the content.

These emotions start to seep into my after-work moods during the holidays.  The absurdity of everyday human behavior becomes much more visible.  Parents and grandparents fiendishly searching for a hunk of plastic because the TV said it was the hot toy of the year.  Families spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars trying to have a better Christmas card than anyone else.  Businesses everywhere trying to be polite and non-offensive while just wanting to say "Merry Christmas", "Happy Hanukkah", "Have a great Kwanzaa", "Hope you have a fantastic Whatever-The-Fuck-It-Is-That-You-Celebrate".

We have become so conditioned that you are either happy or sad, there is no in-between.  I feel like I have to turn on corporate Andy just so people won't ask me why I'm sad.  I'm not sad!  I'm fucking indifferent to the stupid shit coming out of your mouth!  I don't want to talk about the weather, or a fake singing competition on TV, or why you don't much care for the bitch in accounting.

If you have to be fake at work, and you have to be fake around your family, when can you ever be you?

Silence.

I think that's what I crave.

If small-talk and gossip and regurgitated opinions are all there is to offer, can we please just have silence?

Bankers and Imbeciles

I am currently in a overwhelming rage.  I just read this Bloomberg article about bankers' and billionaires' opinions on their tax obligations.

These criminals use shady/borderline-illegal business practices to destroy the financial stability of this country yet it's the protester who is the "imbecile"?

One of the asshats, John A. Allison IV, says "Instead of an attack on the 1 percent, let's call it an attack on the very productive."  I'm not sure of Mr. Allison's daily duties as former CEO of BB&T Corp. but I'm relatively certain it didn't produce anything other than the taste of vomit in the back of my throat.  Calling the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans "very productive" is like calling pimps "investment bankers".  It's nonsensical and masks the reality of the tactics involved in acquiring and maintaining those positions.

No one is upset that these criminals individuals have been successful.  We are upset because many of them destroyed millions of lives in the process and then are given absurd tax incentives and loopholes to ensure they stay wealthy.  In a very basic sense, an extra 2% tax on income over $1,000,000 would be an additional $20,000 and, depending on how this income was acquired, result in a tax rate of 37%.  This would still leave the individual with $630,000.  Meanwhile (again, in a very basic sense not including tax credits or deductions) the single mom paying 15% on her $30,000 salary is left with $25,500.  Tax credits and deductions aside, food, shelter, transportation, and general quality of life become much more uncertain for the individual bringing home $2000/month than the individual bringing home $30,000/month.

This whole scenario is assuming any of the wealthy individual's income was actually considered income.  Capital gains on long-term investments, and several other forms of income, aren't technically counted as income.  The Long-Term Capital Gains tax is currently set at 15% which coincidentally is also the same tax rate the single mom in the previous example, working and earning $8,500-$34,500, is responsible for.  Yeah, that makes sense.

So to insinuate that the lowly hourly workers are just jealous and looking for a handout is arrogant and offensive.

According to a report from the IRS, average household income increased 62% from 1979 through 2007.  I won't list every year's inflation rate but the inflation rates during 1979-1981 were 11.22%, 13.58%, and 10.35%. respectively.  And as anyone with a credit card can tell you, calculating percentages of percentages is messy business.  This is significantly skewed by the fact that income for the top 1% "more than tripled" during this time making the actual number for the remaining 99% a bit lower than the reported 62%.  Factor in inflation, and the old adage of "The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer" doesn't sound too far from the truth.

(Quick math timeout to illustrate the previous comment:

Lets say all of your monthly bills cost you $1000 (if only, right?).  A 10.35% annual inflation rate means that the next year those same bills will cost you $1103.50.  That hurts already.  Most people won't be getting a raise worth $100 extra every month to cover that increase in expenses.  However, if that 10.35% increase came after previous annual increases of 11.22% and 13.58% your bills would have increased from $1000 to $1393.98 in just three years.

Using $1000 in 1979 as a base, and calculating each year's inflation rate on top of the previous year's rate, we see that in 2007 the same bills would cost roughly $3181.84.  An increase of 318%.  And, as stated previously, average household income (even including the top 1%) increased just 62% over this same time period while income for the top 1% alone "more than tripled".  Regardless of the actual number, roughly tripling income would account for the roughly tripling expenses.)



I'll leave you with a few quotes from the unjustly vilified patriots interviewed for the Bloomberg piece.

-When asked about willingness to pay higher tax rates Blackstone Group LP CEO Stephen Schwarzman instead chose to complain about low-income families who pay no income tax saying "...we should all be part of the system".  Classy.

-Robert Rosenkranz, CEO of Delphi Financial Group Inc., claims the 1% should be getting thanks instead of persecution.  He says "It's simply a fact that pretty much all the private-sector jobs in America are created by the decisions of 'the 1 percent' to hire and invest".  So the next time you see a new small business open in your town make sure to thank Robert Rosenkranz.

(No word as of yet on how Mr. Guildenstern feels about the U.S. tax code.)

-CEO of Euro Pacific Capital Inc. Peter Schiff claims his taxes are "more than a medieval lord would have taken from a serf".


Billionaire CEOs: modern-day serfs.

Occupy ALL the Things

I have been silent for quite a while on here.  I've been teaching myself web design (HTML, CSS, Javascript).  The first two went quite well.  The third is more complex and will take a bit more to fully grasp, and then eons more to master.

But I return to my ranting forum for one purpose: the Occupy movement. (I capitalize out of respect)

I have had many political, fiscal, and generational discussions in my life but I don't think I've ever come across a topic that is misunderstood in such a unique way.  The Occupy movement is an outcry from Americans disgusted with their ultra-partisan, auction-block of a government being allowed to bully their citizens (and citizens of other countries as well) and then expect thanks for it.

Many revelations have come to light in the 2+ months since Occupy began.  We see that Congress and the White House still don't seem to take it seriously.  Employees of the banks themselves have nothing but taunts.  ("Get a job." seems to be the most prevalent and misinformed comment.)  We see that police departments are allowed to use any force necessary to move people where they want them.  We have seen 25 year old punk cops use excessive force, and on many occasions pepper spray and tear gas, against war veterans.  Just yesterday I saw a photo of an 84 year old woman who was pepper sprayed in Seattle.  With all due respect, I can't imagine she was much of a physical threat.

But the most disturbing part is that many Americans can't be bothered enough to look past the flashy headlines and see what is actually happening.

If I got all of my information from official police department quotes and the evening news I would think that Occupy was made up entirely of unemployed, slacker college hippies smoking weed and looking for a handout.  This could not be further from the truth.  The Occupy movement is incredibly transparent in their makeup and motives.  People of all ages and backgrounds are part of Occupy.  Jesus, Pete Seeger and Arlo Guthrie showed up in support. (Combined age: 156. Or 2167 depending on how you read the previous sentence.)  Occupy Wall Street had organized a library of an estimated 4000 books.  These books were electronically logged and searchable.  I use the past tense because Billionaire Bloomberg had most of these books, along with any possessions left behind when fleeing officers in riot gear, destroyed while forcing people out of Zuccotti Park.

I find it difficult to focus my thoughts on writing coherent sentences on this subject.  I am so incredibly disgusted by the hypocrisy and uncaring nature of nearly anyone in power in my government.  President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton had nothing but praise for protests in Egypt, as well as other countries involved in the so-called "Arab Spring".  But when our citizens attempt to use identical forms of protest (and much more peacefully might I add) that support is conspicuously absent.

I don't hate money or corporations.  In fact, I quite enjoy the former and have several corporations that I fully support.  But neither should be allowed to influence the votes of our lawmakers.  When debating tougher regulations on investments, environmental issues, even school lunches, the interests of the citizens of this country should ALWAYS come before the interests of the companies involved.

(Warning: From here on out is political and semi-obscenity-laced.)

Can we please stop verbally blowing Ronald Reagan?  His trickle-down plan was horseshit from the start.  If you want to help poor Americans you have two options: 1) Stop taking so much of their money. Or 2) Give them more money.  I'm not big on handing out money so I particularly like option 1.  Notice how neither of those approaches are "Give money to banks, corporations, and the wealthy and they will fix it for us by creating jobs and doing what's best for everyone" because that is ridiculous.  It didn't work then but apparently we are too fucking stupid to learn from the past. (re: two gulf wars)

Bailing out the banks was exactly the same approach as Reagan's trickle-down bullshit.  If you have banks failing and people losing their homes because they can't make their payments you, once again, have two approaches.  (I'm not mentioning that the banks created the problem on their own while government oversight was so feigned that the practices were almost endorsed.)  1) Give money to the banks to ensure they don't fail.  Hope they use this money to pay off some of their own domestic debts and then ease the crunch on their homeowners.  2) Give money to the homeowners themselves.  Have stipulations and restrictions that the money can only be used for mortgage payments.  Give them the option to use that money to make their normal monthly payments or use one lump sum to lower their overall mortgage amount.  People who wanted to keep their homes would probably choose the monthly payment route to ease their monthly financial burden.  People who wanted to sell their homes would probably use the lump sum amount so that the total amount of their mortgage would more closely resemble the actual value of the house, therefore dropping the asking price and making the home more attractive.

Both of the above options end with our government's money in the banking institution's pocket.  But the first way bypasses any regard for the homeowner.  It is completely reliant on the bank making the "right decision" and helping the homeowners they already showed they were willing to screw.  In fact, a good deal of this money went to pay for bonuses for executives and outstanding debts the bank had, many from over-seas lenders.  Meaning, the money that was meant to help homeowners actually went to executives and over-seas lenders.  Meanwhile, our government couldn't even be tasked with tracking where the money actually went.

You're telling me that no one in the entire fucking United States government thought that the banks would look out for themselves rather than the homeowners?  I don't know whether I hope Congress was so inept that they didn't see that possibility or that they allowed it because they were corrupt.  I honestly can't decide which is worse.

Option 2 in the above scenario allows homeowners to keep or sell their houses while easing their entire financial burden.  Having help paying your mortgage means you don't have to feed your kids $.89 hamburgers from McDonald's.  In one move you have helped the money crunch and potentially helped with peripheral issues such as childhood nutrition.  Freeing up money in the household is good for the homeowner and businesses alike.  If all your money is going to your mortgage then you don't have money to spend anywhere else.  And is this scenario the "bailout" money STILL makes its way to the banks for them to use on bonuses and their own debts.

Why was option 2 not an actual option?  Why have the banks not been held accountable for their illegal business practices that brought the entire country to the brink of financial ruin?  Why has Congress not been held accountable for their actions enabling the practices and then cleaning up the mess afterward?  Why are these banks and corporations allowed to manipulate the tax code to minimize, or even eliminate, the need to pay taxes while the average American has no such loopholes?

These questions along with many others including healthcare (How can a government force a citizen to buy a product? Why does Congress get better healthcare for free than their constituents can purchase?), foreign aid/wars (How can we shovel cash at dictators who openly commit acts of violence on their own citizens, and then turn on them and take them down when they show a weakness?), and corporate influence on Washington (see above) are what Occupy is all about.  You can't boil it down to one point that can be bastardized into a Red or Blue argument.  And that really pisses off the opponents of change and the defenders of the status quo.

I'm not talking about the individuals that make up Occupy.  If you go to each person and ask them to name their top three issues they want addressed you will get a myriad of answers spanning every conceivable topic.  Because Occupy is NOT about banding together to occupy Wall Street, or Boston, or any specific thing.  It's about pissed off Americans banding together and telling the U.S. government that the status quo is no longer acceptable.  Occupy doesn't expect Congressmen and businessmen to have epiphanies of the soul and suddenly find the goodness in their heart.  Occupy's success will not be anchored by how many politicians and celebrities join the movement.  Occupy is about having an informed public, conscious of its governments' actions, that is willing to hold elected officials and businesses accountable for their actions.

An ignorant public is an easily manipulated public.  Occupation does not destroy its target.  In its current incarnation, to Occupy something means to observe, illuminate, and become knowledgeable about it.  And knowledge is power.

So, regardless of your financial, political, sexual, generational, or any other affiliation, I say:  Don't Occupy one thing.  Occupy ALL the things.




(image source: http://nycfaultline.com/2011/10/08/occupy-all-the-things/)

American Debt

The United States of America is a country that is head-over-heels in love with debt.

Governmental, business, and personal debt are necessary for nearly everything.  The government borrows money from other countries to uphold fiscal promises it has made to businesses and citizens.  Businesses borrow money from banks and the government (sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, and sometimes there's not one) to purchase product so they can continue to operate.  Citizens borrow money from anyone who will listen for every imaginable expense.

Think of a "middle class" (quotes are necessary because the middle class doesn't actually exist) high-school student looking at his future.  His parents don't make enough money to pay for college but they make too much for him to qualify for grant money. His grades are okay but not stellar.  He starts looking at the cost of schools and sees that he really only has four options.

1) Go to college using a mix of government and personal loans. (Side note: Personal "student loans" are legalized loan sharking)

2) Join the military.  Once he's done spreading democracy/doing Big Brother's dirty work/occupying countries that haven't seen conflict in 70 years/protecting his country (You can pick which one of those you like best.  It's fun.  It's your very own Choose Your Adventure) he can let Uncle Sam pay for his college.

3) Magically find a job, with zero higher education or experience, that will pay for his college education.

4) Don't go to college.

If you've read my post on college, you know how I feel about that racket.  But realistically, your chances of being financially successful without some form of college education are pretty slim.

This kid chooses option number one.  While he is attending school he meets a lady friend and gets married.  Now, he doesn't want to start his new life by living with his parents, so they begin looking at apartments and houses.  House payments are less than rent payments so they buy a nice little home to start their family.  Between the mortgage and school loans he's now sitting at $150,000 (quite conservative for certain areas of the country) in debt...at 22 years old.

You know the story from here.  Money gets tight, credit cards become a necessity, and no matter how much they pay the debt never quite seems to get any smaller.  Notice how I haven't mentioned his wife's potential debt or any children.  It's out of hand enough without that.

This is American culture.  This is the American way.  This is the American Dream.

And when the government as a whole starts trying to help everyone accomplish their own American Dream, it becomes disastrous.

We (You included. Congressmen/women are elected. They even let ladies vote now. It's a new thing they're trying) have gotten ourselves into our very own Kobayashi Maru situation.  There is physically no possible solution that will allow us to continue our current borrowing/spending, uphold our current financial obligations, and maintain our current income.  Improvements MUST be made on all three fronts.  Bickering with your millionaire colleagues over minor tribbles quibbles helps no one.

Borrowing/Spending

This will have to be the main focus.

• Foreign aid has to be reigned in.  More spending does not equal more help.  Analyze where the money goes. Cut the middlemen or cut the program. 
• Unemployment benefits simply cannot last for 112 weeks. (I may be wrong on that number. It may actually be higher) If they're unemployed for that long then something other than their resume is suspect.  I don't want to see anyone lose their belongings, but handing someone money for over two years enables fiscal irresponsibility and puts the financial burden on other Americans. I am not demonizing the citizen here.  If you can collect unemployment, and use that money to pay your bills for two years, why would you want to get a job?
• The security theater that is the TSA has to be stopped.  Feeling up a six year old girl does nothing to keep me safe.  And spending millions upon millions of dollars for machines to take pictures of her naughty bits while her clothes are still on is insane. 
• Governmental salaries/pensions need serious cuts.  
• A simple version? 5% budget reduction for EVERY government program to start.  Then reevaluate from there. 

Financial Obligations

• Are we seriously still planning universal healthcare?  Does anyone honestly want to give more responsibilities to the assclowns in Washington right now?
• Corporate tax incentives are completely out-of-hand.  GE is in the 35% tax bracket.  They made $14.2 billion in profit last year.  Not income, pure profit.  They paid as much taxes as my cat did. (Just for giggles, 35% of $14.2 billion is $4.97 billion.  GE cheated the American taxpayers out of nearly $5 billion.)

Income

• Can we please stop pretending that illegal immigration is something that can be stopped?  The only way to stop someone from trying to make a better life for themselves/their family by coming into our country is to shoot them in the head.  Many people actually suggest that.  Would you stop breaking another country's ill-conceived and selectively-policed law if you thought that doing so would provide a better life for your children?  Of course not.  Personally, I think having Americans line the border and fart at people trying to come over would be more effective than our current tactics.  Illegal immigrants are here working, driving, getting healthcare, and doing everything else that other humans do.  Can we please give them a simple way to become an American citizen so they can start paying their share?
• Bonus Round: The above suggestion would also provide a huge, giant, gargantuan new source of income for Social Security, Medicare, AND Medicaid which would in turn mean we would need less cuts for those programs. 
• I previously mentioned GE and the tax code.  A huge chunk of their income was reported as overseas income.  We cannot compete with labor costs in other readily-exploitable countries.  When companies move jobs offshore they save on labor and taxes and America is left with fewer jobs and tax revenue.  I don't have an incredibly insightful suggestion here because, quite frankly, I don't have the time or intelligence to piece together just what the hell our tax code says.  I just wanted to mention that our current tax code REWARDS companies TWICE for moving jobs out of the country. 

Some of these suggestions may be completely unfeasible, or mildly insane.  But are they really any worse than the ideas our elected officials get paid to tell us we want? 

Society = MMORPG

This post will be one giant metaphor.  You were warned.


I have come to the realization that society has become an MMORPG, a game with no ending that is impossible to "win".  No matter what you do, how much you collect/accomplish, there will always be more.  Finding happiness in life is being able to leave quests unfinished.  Whether you solo your way to 80 (years old) or you combine forces to raid the high level boss task and gain fame and fortune, you will never have everything.  It's just not possible.

Being under the burden of adulthood is killing me.  To me, being an adult is synonymous with a 9-5 job, mortgage payments, being functional in the A.M., living through your kids, 401Ks, talking politics, and cutting ties with anything that gets in the way of those tasks.  That sounds like hell.  I never want to end up like th....wait.....I just described me.  I am the mid-level off-tank who sacrifices dreams of DPS and loot to carve out his own support role for his guild-mates.


Here's what I'm trying to say:  Most humans have entirely too much stuff.  Some of that stuff may be physical, some intangible.  Keeping your vault and quest log full at all times does nothing but clog up your life and hinder you from seeing the beauty around you.

Before a few days ago, I could not have told you the last time I mono-tasked.  THAT is what was killing me.  Not the mortgage, or the kids, or the 9-5 job, or financial stress.  It was the ever-present feeling that I was missing something.  If I'm watching TV then I'm wasting time where I could be reading.  If I'm on Facebook then I'm missing a great conversation on Twitter.  How can I read all the comics and novels I want to read when new ones come out all the time?

This never-ending cacophony of white noise in my head was the root of all my problems.  My son wants me to get him some more orange juice.  But to do that I would have to stop reading before I'm done with this chapter.  And if I do that then I it will put me 14 seconds behind on my quest to read everything by this author.  And what if someone brings up the next chapter at work tomorrow?  I won't know what the monster said to the protagonist because my son wanted some freaking orange juice!

Put some things aside.  Remove some quests from your log.  You can always go back to the quest-giver and start again.  Sell, or give away, those 14 broken dwarf axes in your vault.  You're never going to need them for anything.  Minimize your chat window and take a walk through the starting area for your character's race.  Look at all the amazing artwork that took someone countless hours to create.  You missed all of it.  All you saw was a waypoint to the next quest hub.  What you missed were the seven trees arranged in a semi-circle meant to signify the burial plot and memorial for a great warrior that time forgot.

Okay, the metaphor has served it's purpose.


What makes humans different from other animals?

Self-control?  You're kidding right?
Superior intellect?  see: Jersey Shore
Compassion?  Maybe you misunderstood me.  I said HUMANS.


I only see two things that humans excel at more than any other earthly creature: Creating/experiencing art and having opposable thumbs.  Music, film, novels, comic books, dance.  These are what defines humanity.  Unlocking the achievement of "Read All Asimov Novels" shouldn't be the goal.  Unlocking the enjoyment of experiencing, analyzing, discussing, emulating, evolving, and sharing Asimov's art should be the achievement.

SO...To hell with titles, SUVs, McMansions, and $80 t-shirts.  I'm looking forward to a life filled with imaginary creatures and mono-tasking.

Andy Boot Camp Update 06/10/11

I'm still chugging toward a weight-loss goal that is seeming nigh impossible at this point.  As I speak (type?), I am 80 pounds from my goal.  To meet my goal that would be an average of 13+ pounds per month.  Assuming that my goal in this whole endeavor is to become healthier I think cutting that much weight per month might be just as unhealthy as being a walking behemoth.  Alas, I shall stumble forth on my quest for purchasing my garments at a fine retail establishment, rather than a catalog for shapely individuals.

Here's the latest weigh in numbers:


04/11/11          309.6 (Small improvement from the last weigh-in)
04/13/11          311.8 (Rapid-fire weigh-in FTL)
04/17/11          309.4 (Then again, more numbers means more chances for success?)
04/30/11          309.0 (At this rate, I'll hit 300 sometime during Sasha Obama's 3rd term)
05/18/11          310.8 (Three weeks later....)
05/25/11          306.2 (Shit got real. This is my true beginning) (#existentialism)
05/29/11          305.4 (NUMBER GO DOWN!!) (The Hulk wrote that synopsis)
05/31/11          303.0 (FAT BAD!!!!) (Tarzan this time) (R.I.P. Phil Hartman)
06/06/11          302.6 (Still headed in the right direction)
06/08/11          301.8 (At this point, I really need to think of a name for myself after 300)


That's it.  I'll check back in after a few more weeks after I inexplicably reverse course and start my journey toward the Fattest Man Alive crown.

Filesharing Rant 3.0

I try to see the artists' plight when they go on misinformed rants about how illegal downloading is destroying the music industry but I'm starting to see new reasons why they're wrong.

First, the claim that illegal downloading is hurting the music industry is false.  It may be hurting overall ALBUM sales but it's definitely not hurting the industry.  Buying a $.99 single on iTunes just doesn't provide the same income as an entire $12 album with 8 filler songs.  I would argue that legal sales of digital singles have done FAR more to hurt album sales than pirating ever will.  The people buying $.99 singles are the same ones who used to buy $12 albums.  The people downloading albums now are the same ones who used to copy their friends' cassettes.  And, as I've stated before, illegally downloading an album can, and does, lead to new ticket buyers, t-shirt purchasers, and, yes, even future single/album buyers.

Second, the music industry was built on impossibly inflated prices and unsustainable excess.  The old model of "release an album > sell millions(?) of copies > stop producing anything and live off the profits for years and years" sounds a little silly when you try to apply it to other professions.  I can't set-up and mail-out 20 computers in a week and then say "You know what?  I had a pretty good week.  I think I'll not come into work for a few months.  Just keep sending the royalty checks for my groundbreaking work to my home address."  That's ridiculous.

Artists should get paid for their work.  But don't expect us to make you a millionaire because you bought a thesaurus and auto-tune.  From my perspective, as a non-millionaire/aspiring professional musician, I would think that touring should make up the majority of profit for a band.

Also, let's talk about the lawsuits.

I'm going to start by saying that the RIAA is one small step away from the mafia.  They will attack 12-year-old girls and repeatedly wrongly accuse others.  They have a history of "sue first, then find actual evidence".  And now it seems that even when they win a judgement against known infringers they will be keeping the settlement money rather than sharing it with the artists they supposedly represent.

It is unfortunate that great new artists may be cut early, or not signed at all, because of lackluster album sales. But here's to hoping this will lead to a new breed of artists utilizing the very digital structure that took down the media conglomerates to start a "creation > self-distibution > self-promotion > profit" model for success.  And then maybe we can cut out the money-grubbing, exploitative loan sharks and pimps that permeate throughout the music industry.

Osama bin Laden

I don't really know how to feel about the news that Osama bin Laden is dead.  On one hand I am relieved that the search is over and organized terrorism (there's an oxymoron) might have been dealt a setback.  But on the other hand, I find it absolutely disgusting that people are joyously celebrating the death of Osama Bin Laden.  Not because of who he was.  Osama was a worthless piece of shit and deserved to die.  I just think that celebrating his death in the streets with snare drums and beach balls is appalling.  Killing one human being does not magically bring others back to life.  Killing Osama will not take away the pain that the families of 9/11 victims still feel everyday.


You just don't understand.  We brought him to justice.


Justice?  Killing a 50+ year-old man with diabetes living in caves and constantly moving around to stay hidden is just punishment for that man organizing the murder of thousands of innocent humans?

Osama was evil.  He deserved to die.  But public celebrations of his death do nothing but make us look like petty, ignorant fools.  The "You kill us and we'll kill you back" mentality.  Osama didn't invent terrorism and killing him won't stop it.

You don't see ANY reason to celebrate?


I am quite happy that an evil person can no longer do evil things.  I just don't see the sense in acting like this makes everything better.  Nothing has changed.  Evil people will still do evil things and the rest of the world will either rise against them or crumble.

You're just a cynic trying to see the worst in everything.


Maybe.  I've thought that myself at times.  I'm not saying that peaceful people everywhere shouldn't be glad about this news.  Americans, Afghans, Christians, Muslims, and anyone else who hates violence as much as Osama himself hated America should all rejoice that one less evil person is among us.  But that's it.  ONE person.  A very important person in the world of terror, but one man just the same.


I just can't understand celebrating the death of a human being, no matter who that person might be.


Maybe I'm wrong.  I don't know anymore.