New Year, New Plan

Last year I set out to lose 100 pounds.  I ended up losing 33.  Were I a first baseman, this type of success rate could land me a $240 million deal.  While I am disappointed I didn't reach even 50% of my goal I also realize I didn't give even 50% of my available effort.  Half-assing your effort to halve your ass leads to disappointment.

Last year I sought to have less of me around.  This year I seek to have less around me.

I have entirely too many "things".  I am overwhelmed with an abundance of things I have used once and never touched again.  I condemn billionaires for spending their 8 figure bonus checks on vacation homes and luxury yachts but at least they use those lavish purchases and reap continued enjoyment from them.  Meanwhile, I'll buy a $60 video game, play it for 10 hours, and then never touch it again.  In that perspective, my actions are more wasteful than purchasing a third vacation home.

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My home became a cable-free household last summer.  Paying $80/month for ignorant tripe to be spewed at me and my family just sounded crazy when we stepped back to think about it.  There are many entertaining, intelligent, and worthwhile things on television that provide enjoyment and education.  But I don't think we were getting anywhere near $80 worth of that every month.  And once you decide that the product you receive is not worth the price you pay it becomes extremely difficult to continue justifying the purchase.

It started as a money-saving experiment.  It has evolved into a liberating experience, at least for me.  Keeping up with shows I enjoy no longer feels like an obligation.  Our main sources of visual entertainment have become Netflix and Hulu Plus.  These cost us a combined $15.98/month and I think we get more than our money's worth from each.

It has not been without complications, however.  I have always had cable and therefore have always had access to sports coverage.  In previous years, I estimate I would watch no less than 100 football games a season, between college and NFL.  This year I may have watched ten.  Being a Cowboys fan, I got to tune into four of their games this year via NBC's streaming of their Sunday Night Football coverage...and see them lose all four.  Such is the life of a Cowboys fan.

Having less to watch gave us more to do.  This is the basic foundation of my goal for this year:  I want to get rid a large portion of my things.  I was inspired by Sean Bonner and his "Year of Less".  His goals are to limit purchases to one per month and to get rid of one thing every day this year.  This sounds intoxicating to me.

In this spirit, my wife and I spent a few hours going through our closet last weekend.  It was....messy. (I don't even know how to describe it.  Picture the trash compactor from A New Hope and add hanging clothes to the walls.)  We ended up filling six garbage bags with clothes to donate.  And we only stopped because we didn't want to start on the drawers that day.  We didn't even start with the kids' clothes.

Two humans gave away six garbage bags full of clothes and we still had 3 times as much as we needed.  I was extremely angry at myself for having so many things that I neither wanted nor needed yet kept.  I estimate at least 100 items were in those bags.  Some with tags still on them.  Many more never actually worn.

I will be joining Mr. Bonner in his quest to eliminate one thing everyday.  Because of the children, I will have to modify the one purchase per month rule to apply only to things for myself.  But I intend to stand by that as well.

I am going to let the clothes count for the month of January.  Starting February 1st I plan to eliminate one item from my life everyday for the rest of the year.  Computer parts, books, movies, more clothes, or whatever else is taking up space but not being used.  Theoretically, I will keep track of these items, since I obviously tracked my weight goal so well last year.  And throwing away broken things doesn't count, but it will be a nice bonus to get rid of that crap, too.

I am hoping this will alleviate some of the clutter around the house and help me appreciate and enjoy the things I choose to keep.

Andy Boot Camp Update 06/10/11

I'm still chugging toward a weight-loss goal that is seeming nigh impossible at this point.  As I speak (type?), I am 80 pounds from my goal.  To meet my goal that would be an average of 13+ pounds per month.  Assuming that my goal in this whole endeavor is to become healthier I think cutting that much weight per month might be just as unhealthy as being a walking behemoth.  Alas, I shall stumble forth on my quest for purchasing my garments at a fine retail establishment, rather than a catalog for shapely individuals.

Here's the latest weigh in numbers:


04/11/11          309.6 (Small improvement from the last weigh-in)
04/13/11          311.8 (Rapid-fire weigh-in FTL)
04/17/11          309.4 (Then again, more numbers means more chances for success?)
04/30/11          309.0 (At this rate, I'll hit 300 sometime during Sasha Obama's 3rd term)
05/18/11          310.8 (Three weeks later....)
05/25/11          306.2 (Shit got real. This is my true beginning) (#existentialism)
05/29/11          305.4 (NUMBER GO DOWN!!) (The Hulk wrote that synopsis)
05/31/11          303.0 (FAT BAD!!!!) (Tarzan this time) (R.I.P. Phil Hartman)
06/06/11          302.6 (Still headed in the right direction)
06/08/11          301.8 (At this point, I really need to think of a name for myself after 300)


That's it.  I'll check back in after a few more weeks after I inexplicably reverse course and start my journey toward the Fattest Man Alive crown.

Andy Boot Camp Update 3/25/11

I few weeks back I posted about finally wanting to do something about the spare Michelin Man I'm carrying around.  I made several bold statements and I still intend to keep every one of those goals.  But Life gets in the way, or should I say, Life takes precedence.  My wife and I had a baby girl a little over a month ago and she, along with my wife and son, are more important than anything else right now.

That being said, all is not lost.  I have made some progress.  Not as much as I hoped for but a little bit is better than nothing.  Here are the completely irregular weigh-in totals:

01/14/11          318.6 (That's embarrassing)
01/21/11          319.2 (I must have made a wrong turn at Albuquerque)
01/28/11          317.6 (Slow and steady wins the race?)

03/10/11          307.8 (Stress is a hell of a drug)
03/18/11          314.2 (Wait, what?) (Disclaimer: This is the only weigh-in done at night)
03/25/11          309.8 (Back on track....I guess)


I'm not necessarily happy with the progress so far but I'm creeping closer to the exit from...Tres-town? Drei-ville? Three's Company? Tri-force? I haven't decided what to call the magical sub-300 pound threshold.  Maybe "making my re-entry into Earth's atmosphere from my own orbit"?

Oh well, thanks for all the support and please enjoy this awesome Blind Melon song about the number three.

New Year's Resolutions Suck

Simple topic.  New Year's resolutions suck.  Discuss...

If you're waiting for some magical day to suddenly give you the willpower to accomplish something in your life then 1) You're doing it wrong and 2) You've already failed before you even started.

I say this from personal experience.  My resolution last year was to lose 100 pounds.  It really shouldn't be that hard.  I could lose 100 pounds and still be the lard-ass hogging the armrest in the theater.  I have made this resolution many times dating back to high school.  (Fun Fact: That may be the only time you'll ever hear me mention myself, dating, and high school in the same sentence.)

I started off decently.  I "borrowed" a WiiFit from my in-laws and started doing it every day.  I couldn't rely on having time every night so I decided to get up early and exercise the demons before getting ready for work.  And by early I mean Five.O.Clock.  Before this time I had seen 5 A.M. quite a few times in my life.  But previously a look at my clock saying 5 A.M. generally resulted in "Damn! I need to go to bed."

Being a math nerd, I figured if I could lose eight pounds a month then I would be almost there.  The first two months went great.  I would sweat a little in the morning and it helped me get to sleep at a decent time at night.  I was down twenty pounds, ahead of schedule, and feeling great.  Then came a cataclysmic event the likes of which even Ray Finkle wouldn't envy:  My wife's parents asked us to return the WiiFit.

Gasp.  Shriek.

We promptly went out that night and dropped another $90 for our very own WiiFit.  I brought it straight home and immediately set it up.  Aaaaaaaaand ten months later I can't remember if I ever even turned it on again.

Wait, what?

We never actually went an entire day without a unit in our house.  How could switching WiiFit units cause me to fall off of my schedule?

My theory:  My success was so desperately hanging on at that point that anything could have disrupted the routine.  A stone falling out of a washed-up kickers' Dolphins AFC championship ring could have caused it.

I was fooling myself.  I wasn't eating any better.  In fact, I was actually eating worse because I felt like I deserved it for all the "exercise" I was doing.

By the end of the year I was down a net of ten pounds for the year.  Far short of my goal.

So, once again I will try to drop some weight this year.  I've used all kinds of reasons in the past.  Health, looks, desire to fit in to normal chairs.  But now I have a wife and kids.  ( I don't think I'll ever get used to saying that.)  I can't just think about myself anymore.

I don't want to be the fat dad who can't run with his kid outside.  I don't want to chill on the side of the pool too embarrassed to take his shirt off and get in the water with his family.  I don't want to use my weight as an excuse not to do things anymore.  I'm tired of my own shit.  I not going to take the excuses anymore.  I can't scream "Laces out, Dan" and ignore my own shortcomings.

I'm going to Andy Boot Camp.

I'm going to set up a page on this here blogtacular site and keep track of my progress.  Please feel free to stop by and lend encouragement or insult my feeble attempts, whichever you would like.

Just do me a favor:  Be Real.  Don't sugar-coat the truth. (mmmm...sugar)


[Editor's Note: There are four references to Ace Ventura in this post.]