America the Ignorant?

What's that?  You would like my far-reaching generalizations about America?  Well you're in luck.  I just so happen to have this blog post sitting around for you to nod your head/wag your finger at.

Here is my issue with America as a whole:  We are a country of willfully ignorant people.


I don't want to learn how to change my password because then it will be my responsibility to do it.  


I don't want to  learn a new skill so because then I'll have to get off welfare and get a job.  


I don't want to research the candidates.  Can't I just vote for the Republican?  Or the black one?  Or the one that takes her kids to hockey practice?

And the worst part?  We reward this kind of behavior.

When is the last time you heard of a person being denied their welfare check because they failed a drug test?  NEVER would be the answer for me personally.  Let me see if I can wrap my head around this:  A man has a job working 40 hours a week bringing home just barely enough money to feed his family.  On the weekends he meets up with his buddies to smoke a little weed.  One day he fails a drug test and gets fired.  Now he's on welfare and can collect money comparable to his former salary AND he can smoke anytime he wants to.  Why get another job?  There's absolutely zero advantage to it.

Somehow we have transformed into a country so caught up in its own hype that we can't see how we're destroying ourselves.  America is the "greatest country in the world".  I completely agree with this.  But we could do MUCH better.  

We give billions of dollars to other countries to help feed their homeless and give relatively nothing to our own.  We go on mission trips to Belize or some trendy Florida city to build/repair houses but our neighbor three streets over has a garbage bag for a living room window.  We adopt babies from Malawi but won't adopt babies from Milwaukee.  Was there anyone clamoring to help the New Orleans residents living in glorified shacks before the national news was covering a hurricane?  

There is such a malaise over the entire country that even the people who genuinely want to help are drowned out by PR firms pushing celebrity endorsed Twitter hash tags.  90% of politicians are nothing but a perpetual reelection machine (completely quantifiable and scientifically researched statistic, of course).  Don't make a scene by standing for something new or different or you won't be reelected.  

Then get out there and run for office yourself you may say.  But I'm not sure I could handle the game that would have to be played.  I don't have the connections, lineage, military experience, or wealth required to even get started.  Some may say that's a bullshit response.  Some of you are probably right.

But honestly, I can't decide whether I want to run for office, work my way into the government, and try to make the changes I crave, and the changes I think America needs, or whether I want to give away anything with a battery or a power cord and buy a farm in rural Wyoming.  My desire changes daily.  And for that reason, I cannot allow myself to get involved.  If you're going to do something as important as serving in our government then do it with 100% of your being.  If you can't give 100%, then get out of the way.  

I freely admit I'm a cynical bastard, but am I really?  Do I look for the worst in people or do I just rail against willful ignorance?

I used to pity the poor bastard who trudged through life, paycheck-to-paycheck, never paying attention to the world crumbling around him.  But the older I get the more I crave the simplicity of here and now.

NYC Mosque

Hot on the heels of my last post about Islam, today I'm talking about the proposed mosque near ground zero in New York City.  I have a simple question:

Are we a country that claims to have freedom of religion?  Yes?  Then what's the problem?

The argument about whether this mosque should be allowed is once again focused on the wrong issue.  The issue is not about whether it's a good idea to build this mosque. (It's probably not.  It would have a target on it that anti-Islamics could see half a world away.)  The argument is about whether it should be allowed to be built.  And the unequivocal answer to that question is Yes.  If the people who submitted the plans deem that the time isn't right or it's too risky to build right now, then that's their decision.

We can't have freedom for some whenever it's convenient.  We must have freedom for all, at all times.

It's the exact same problem when talking about any of the other hotbed issues; abortion, gay marriage, right-to-die, etc.  It's not about whether you agree with the specific opinion.  It's about whether you agree that each person has the right to make his/her own decisions about his/her own body.

The Qur'an Burning

I just saw another report about a bunch of idiots on Florida having a good old fashioned Qur'an burnin' in "honor" of September 11th.  Can someone please shoot these assholes before they cause more troops to die?  You don't think this might inflame the ENTIRE ISLAM NATION?  Stop for just one second and put yourself in their shoes.

You're a normal, everyday Muslim living life and trying to deal with the bastardization of your entire religion by twenty idiots with some airplanes.  And nine years (!!!) later some chuckleheads are burning your holy scriptures because they can't differentiate between coerced hatred and true religion.

Cut back to us.  Let's say a group of radical Christian terrorists (doesn't sound so evening news-friendly, does it?) fly over to Mecca and take down some buildings and a few thousand people.  Their surviving cult members release videos using scripture from the Bible to justify what they've done and call on all "true" Christians to take up the call and destroy the enemy.  Sound familiar? You think maybe if a group of Muslims got together on the ninth anniversary of that day to burn a whole slew of Bibles that normal, everyday Christians might get a little upset?

Islam ≠ Terrorism.  Correlation ≠ Causation.  All squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.  But even that is a misnomer.  Just because these terrorists were Muslim does not mean every terrorist is a Muslim.  In fact, anyone with sense would argue these particular terrorists were not adhering to Islamic teachings when they chose to take another human's life.  Much like a man killing his family, saying God told him to do it, and then taking some obscure Bible reference out of context to support his claim.  This man may have been a "Christian" and he's using words from the Bible, but that doesn't mean Christianity supports his actions. 

Why can't people understand this?  

There's always another explanation:  Maybe this is just a publicity stunt.  That would put this man in a whole other category of evil.  

We already have enough scare tactics and cleverly designed stunts crafted by global conglomerates and politicians to tell us what we think.  Do we have to be subjected to the same schemes from our religious leaders now? 

Dream Sports Network

I the spirit of the return of football I thought I would have some sports talk.  I'll be honest; I can't stand the majority sports reporters.  They either try to sound too smart, or don't try to sound intelligent at all.  That said, I want to create a network with my fantasy team of sports analysts.  I'm not going to go into play-by-play or color commentary guys.  Too many to list for both the good and the bad.  But I will say that I, for one, enjoyed the Dennis Miller experiment on Monday Night Football.  I have never seen anywhere else where I can learn something about the Raiders' defensive line and 13th century existentialism at the same time.  And for that I thank you Dennis.

 I'm sure I will want to make changes to this in the future but here is my first draft.

These are my analysts:

NFL     - Chris Berman/Bill Simmons

MLB     - Bill Simmons/Chris Berman

NBA     - Bill Simmons/Dick Vitale

NHL     - Barry Melrose

CFB     - Chris Berman/Bill Simmons

CBB     - Dick Vitale/Bill Simmons

Chris Berman

This man can talk intelligently about ANY sport.  He almost makes me want to watch the CFL.  His calls are so iconic that my wife can quote them.  That's transcendence.  

Bill Simmons

Another guy who can make any sporting event intriguing.  I never miss a column from Bill.  His ability to mix knowledge with snarky comments is unparalleled.  He also never shies away from the truth.  If he made a bonehead prediction he will own up to it. 

Dick Vitale

Um...It's fucking Dick Vitale.  Seriously.  This guy could get me excited about defrosting my freezer. 

Barry Melrose

Possibly the only man to combine intelligence and a mullet since 1992.

I would also like to include Mike Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser.  On my station PTI would be an hour long, and Mike and Tony would be allowed to say whatever the hell they wanted to say.  I'm so tired of public figures being crucified for speaking their mind...particularly when they are paid to do just that.

And speaking of Kornheiser, Ron Jaworski only works on Monday Night Football with Kornheiser as his foil.  I love Jaws, but I love him in 45 second chunks with plenty of downtime afterward.  I feel like Jaws is the opposite of Ron Burgundy.  Burgundy will read anything verbatim from the teleprompter, right down to the punctuation.  Jaworski just inserts 17 exclamation points after every sentence.  It's tiring to listen to.  But it was tolerable with Kornheiser following up each outburst with understated sarcasm.  

These are the people I would like to hear from regarding the sporting world.  I'm sure I've left people out and I will add them as they are brought to my attention this year.  Feel free to let me know in the comments who I forgot.

The Decisions a Man Makes

My wife and I found out several weeks ago that she is pregnant.  Save the condolences; this is a joyous occasion.  But it has really hammered home the concept of being an adult.  And I'm not taking it very well.

Being an adult has many perks.

-For my five-year-old it means that Daddy can play adult video games like Arkham Asylum and God of War III.
-For my mother it means she doesn't worry about me quite as much as she used to.
-For my father it means he can see a man he has helped shape begin to mold himself into his own entity.
-For my wife it means she can feel safe for herself and her family knowing her husband can handle any crisis life may throw at us.
-For my bandmates it means I seem a bit more flaky about practice times and late nights.

But what does it mean for me?

I feel old.  You know that annoying question everyone asks when they find out it's your birthday? Do you feel any older?  Yes I do.  Thanks for bringing it up, Asshole.

That's what being an adult means to me.  Feeling older.

-You're an adult when each new birthday takes you further away from your childhood instead of closer to being grown-up.
-You're an adult when you participate in conversations about 401Ks and life insurance and don't speak in future tense.
-You're an adult when you realize that everyone who told the eight-year-old you that you could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up were all full of shit.
-You're an adult when you finally start to loosen your grasp on the hope that all your dreams can still happen.

That last one is what hit me this year.  I have been obsessed with music for as long as I can remember.  I still remember the first time I heard a truly great song:  Elton John - Rocket Man.

I was raised on country and church music.  There's nothing intrinsically wrong with either genre.  But country has almost always reveled in it's willful ignorance.  And church music is immune from criticism, even if it's terrible.  If you say anything bad about either one then you're either a pretentious asshole or you don't believe in God, neither of which is inherently true, but occasionally both are spot on.  It has recently reached that point when talking about the president or soldiers serving overseas.  Being anti-war or anti-Obama has somehow come to equate being anti-patriotic, or anti-American.  Flight Surgeon Horse Shit.  Does being pro gay marriage make me gay?  Does being pro choice make me a pregnant woman?

But I seriously, seriously digress.

Childhood.  Elton John.  Rocket Man.

I'm sitting at my father's house doing god-knows-what after watching a college football game.  For some unknown reason my dad starts talking about music and suddenly realizes that I'm being deprived of decades worth of classics.  He drags out the turntable and cracks open the cabinet to reveal his collection of vinyl. (For the kids in the audience, these are the giant black discs that only people still concerned with sound quality still listen to.)  He tosses on his Elton John greatest hits album and carefully places the needle near the second set of grooves and proceeds to cause a musical revolution in my ears.  From that moment on all I ever wanted to do with my life was be a musician.  I didn't care about being rich or famous.  I just wanted to be able to make enough money playing music so that I didn't have to get a real job.

Flash forward ~15 years and you'll find a married, father, homeowner, college graduate working a job where he's under-utilized, under-appreciated, and under-paid.  Wait...what the hell happened?

But every bit of that is fine as long as your dream is still alive.  As long as you can make fun of your situation because it will be funny to look back on when you're living your ideal life, then you're fine.  But once your belief that you will achieve your dreams begins to falter, even for a second, then you're screwed.  Every day that passes pigeon-holes you into a little niche in life that becomes your inescapable label.

[Side Note: Today's post brought to you by the letters E, M, & O, with a soundtrack provided by The Cure.]

But watching your childhood dreams get curb-stomped by adulthood also provides you with a new perspective.

I love being a husband and I love being a dad.  I can't think of anything in life that is as difficult/frustrating/rewarding/awe-inspiring.

From my perspective, these are the decisions a man makes.  Family comes first. Dreams come second.  Both are important and both will brutally humble you.

Besides, living vicariously through your children makes the world go 'round.  Amirite pageant moms?