Friday, April 2, 2010

Tiger Woods

Here goes nothing....How arrogant is this motherfucker?!?!  First, he holds a "press conference", in Florida,  while the Accenture Match Play Tournament is going on, in Arizona.  He reads three words at a time, making Obama sound like the Micro Machines man reciting a tongue twister, and then doesn't take any questions from the press that he hand picked.  Then a few weeks later he tosses out some five-minute interviews where he comes up with new phrases for "I'm sorry.  Please love me again."  And now he's going to do his first "real" press conference on Monday, April 5th.  Hmm, what else is happening that day?  Not much.  Just MLB's Opening Day and the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Game.  Yeah.  Does he honestly think anyone in the sporting world would voluntarily go listen to his morally castrated ass talk about moving on, or whatever bullshit he's going to say, when those other events are going on?  Short answer: No.  It's going to be pretty difficult for these reporters to write their piece on Tiger's new-found open honesty or "steely resolve" when their audio recording of the press conference is muddled with the Indians game that was streaming from their laptop in the background and the Duke v. Michigan State game on the TV in front of them.  Mickelson, Ogilvy, and Nicklaus are speaking the next day.  Could he not speak on the traditional day?  I guess not.  I'm sure that would detract from the inevitable media frenzy around him.

Speaking of the media frenzy, Tiger is doing one of two things right now regarding Jesse James.

1. He's sending trucks full of thank you cards and booze.  Because the only thing that makes an anal/waitress/no-condom obsessed serial adulterer look good is a tattoo/Nazi obsessed serial adulterer who cheated on America's sweetheart.

2. He's plotting revenge for stealing the thunder from his tell-all book.  That's the only logical place for Tiger to go now.  Say he returns to golf and dominates (which he probably will), he's still going to catch flack for the rest of his career about something that happened OFF the course.  But if he (and by "he" I mean his ghost writer) pours out his soul in an autobiography that focuses on his "troubled" years, then he can be allowed to move on.  But unless he becomes a super-villain or cures cancer, he's still going to be know as the guy who dominated golf while cheating on his wife with 47 different chicks.  Let's be honest, even if he becomes a super-villain who also cures cancer, the adultery will still makes its way into the conversation.  That's just how the media works.



Let me just say that Tiger Woods doesn't owe the public anything.  If he doesn't want to ever talk about anything other than golf for the rest of his life, then he should be allowed to do so.  What goes on in his personal life is 100% between him and his family.  I honestly don't want to know.  I can't stand the people who feel that it's their right to know what went on.

Let's back up for a minute.  When someone completely and utterly dominates something (sports, music, movie, etc.) there are generally two camps.

The first camp loves said celebrity.  Even if they don't enjoy that celeb's team/songs/movies.  They celebrate watching one person make other people look terrible at their own job.  This camp splinters when a scandal hits.  Either toward denial or camp number two.

The second camp hates said celebrity for the same reason that camp one loves them.  They are making everyone else look bad and it brings down the whole sport/genre/industry.  These are the people who lap up every once of coverage during the celeb's public shaming.

There is a third camp that genuinely likes the person but that's usually only until that person gets traded or puts out a bad album/movie....or cheats on a Swedish model/Miss Congeniality.


Lessons for today's rant:

1.  Fame sucks sometimes
2.  If a past transgression becomes public, at least act humble
3.  If you don't cheat on your wife, you can't get caught.