I apologize to anyone over the age of 25 for the title of this blog. You will now need to go cleanse your aural palate with something less condiment inspired. (For those of you who don't remember 1990, or don't have VH1, please see this)
What I really want to talk about is sex. Specifically, why our government (and the Vatican) thinks they can stop teenagers from doing it. (Warning: this rant reads much better if you act like a 14 year old boy every time you see the words sex, aspect, or "doing it")
As usual, a news report has sparked my latest rant. CNN recently did a report on the new health care bill. I don't want to get started on the entire bill because I don't have 19 hours to type everything I want to say. Instead, I will focus on one aspect of it that the American government has been trying to shove down our throats for decades: Abstinence. CNN reports that there is $250 million tucked away in the new bill to be used for "abstinence-focused" education over a five-year period. Programs that qualify must "teach that abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems". The obvious problem with this statement is that it's almost complete bullshit. I say almost because they qualify their claim with the word "certain". Condoms, when used properly, are incredibly effective at preventing most STDs and pregnancy. I'm not sure what the exact percentage is but you're obviously reading this on an internet-capable device of some sort. Go Bing it. (Okay Microsoft. I tried it and it just doesn't work for me aesthetically or audibly. Sorry. I think it may be because it just doesn't make middle school boys giggle like "Google it" does.) And if you get someone pregnant while you're using a condom then you're either doing it wrong or your son will retire early from his carpentry career to become the David Blaine of 31 A.D.
Let's try to think of another huge project aimed at our kids with plenty of government funding and media hoopla. D.A.R.E. you say? You mean the program to teach kids to "Just Say No" that actually taught kids how to say "Yes"? Throwing money behind a clever slogan and hoping it sticks doesn't work. If only we had decades worth of American history to learn from. And playing the "I'm older and smarter" card sure as hell doesn't work either. Just try talking to a five year old.
So I guess the American government looks pretty dumb trying to cram the same message down childrens' throats for decades. But if they look dumb then how does the Vatican look? They have woven anti-condom rhetoric into their demonizing of sex for just as long. Despite the fact that allowing their missionaries to hand out condoms in the African villages they visit, or allowing their congregation to use them, would almost certainly cut down on the spread of AIDS and other STDs. No amount of preaching is going to stop people from having sex. Surely the Vatican must know this. And yet, they would rather allow people to pass STDs around than to have them use protection. That must take a level of dedication that I wasn't aware was possible. Dedication to belligerently maintaining that their solution is the only way. But I guess they've gotten pretty good at that in the last couple of millennia. The same CNN report from above also states that a "January 2009 study in Pediatrics found that religious teens who take virginity pledges are less likely to use condoms or birth control when they become sexually active, and just as likely to have sex before marriage as their peers who didn't take pledges."
Just to recap: Preaching abstinence doesn't work. Virginity pledges don't work. Making sex seem dirty and taboo doesn't work.
Why does it seem like giving a fourteen year old boy internet access and plenty of free time is a better option than any of these?
I didn't really hope to accomplish anything with this rant but I think I did. It has made me even more adamant that my kids will be taught that condoms will be readily available when they're ready and more importantly, masturbation is a great thing. You can't get an STD from it. You never get rejected. It causes no emotional drama. I'm not saying I have all the answers (far from it) but who knows how many lives these simple things could have saved?